I think
For me, the most memorable passage from this book was a flashback deep into Alison's childhood: the part where she starts writing "I think" before every one of her sentences in her diary, later to be replaced with a loopy symbol to represent the same concept. Aside from its peculiarity, I wanted to write about it because I felt it might get lost among all the other shocking events described.
Now, at first, I have to admit I didn't understand why Alison Bechdel decided to include it at all. Yeah it's very interesting but it didn't jump out to me as directly related to the main plot line which is heavily focused on her father.
Bechdel writes "It was a sort of epistemological crisis. How did I know that the things I was writing were absolutely objectively true? All I could speak for was my own perceptions, and perhaps not even those.". This specific behavior seems to be part of a larger pattern of obsessive compulsive behaviors she's displaying at the time. She doesn't want to put anything in ink that she isn't 100% sure of, and she doesn't seem to trust herself on anything. This might be a response to the insecurity she feels at home (and I mean that in the most literal sense- her parents aren't very affectionate with her, and I think this was just around the time she found the magazine on the camping trip as well). Her perceptions of the people around her are being shattered, so a natural response would be not to trust anything or anyone around her, including herself (I know it's a stretch but it's an idea I had).
Also I suppose it's hard to want everything to fit together nicely in one seamless narrative. After all, this book is an autobiography, real life doesn't have perfectly placed character arches and sometimes things happen that aren't directly related to a later event. It's entirely possible she could have included that just as a difficult childhood phase she went through while performing an activity her father encouraged. Either way I thought it was such an interesting portion.
What did you think about it?
I also found this whole section of the book pretty peculiar, personally paying more attention to the short arc of her OCD that doesn't really crop up in the rest of the book. Her diary, her OCD, and other smaller parts of her life that didn't fit so neatly into the Bruce and Alison narrative make me wish the book was longer, as I'd gladly read more of it to better understand Bechdel's life - the graphic novel is such an easy read, too, and I almost wish Bechdel hadn't planned her book so carefully and just given us more.
ReplyDeleteI agree! I also thought this was a very interesting point in the novel, and I’m not sure if I was able to completely grasp it either. Alison’s struggle with OCD at the time and feelings of insecurity definitely played a role in the “I think”s developing, and they seemed to be a large part of her childhood story. As we also explored in class, her diary could be seen as sort of a “first draft” of Fun Home. I thought this idea was really interesting too, especially since the entire novel seems sort of like an “I think” to Alison, in a way. She acknowledges that she may not be factually correct on everything and expresses her uncertainty several times, but she is telling the story truthfully from her point of view and revealing all that she believes. If looked at this way, I think this may also show another development path and coming-of-age arc for Alison: instead of having the feeling to need to write “I think,” she’s able to freely express not only the facts, but also all the uncertainty that she feels about her father and how their stories connect. This growth from the diary to Fun Home seemed really cool to me.
ReplyDeleteI may be completely wrong though and taking it too far. But I also found this portion of the novel so compelling, and I definitely agree with your analysis!
I found this section intriguing as well, as it seems like such a minor detail, but to her, the entire debate about what happened vs. what she thinks happened is significant. She is highly aware of her own perceptions, and doesn't know how to trust them. Perhaps this is just a phase of questioning as you mentioned, or perhaps it's something more (obsessive-compulsive). Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm getting confused myself.
ReplyDeleteWhen Alison started to talk about the "I thinks" in her diary it was really striking and upsetting. Her exact motivation for writing them isn't clear, but in my opinion it's about asserting control over her life at a time when she had very little control. It's nice to see that Bechdel in the narrative of "Fun Home" has outgrown this era and is able to present the events in her life how she sees them (though there does remain the air of uncertainty in many portions of the book, it seems intentional).
ReplyDeleteYeah I agree with what you've said here, and I also thought it didn't totally fit with the rest of the book. I think part of this chapter's significance is how it shows she had so little self confidence and assertiveness in her life, while also illustrating how difficult it was to live in her house with mental health issues when nobody in her family was outwardly very supportive. I also see it as a parallel to her writing now, where so much of the book is her interpretation that it's kind of like the adult version of her "i think" symbol.
ReplyDeleteWhile I don't think we can pinpoint why exactly someone displays a behavior that we do, I think that some part of Allison's "I think" was influenced by her father and his obsessive behavior to appear picture perfect to other people within society. It was particularly striking to me how in the beginning of the book, she talked about how Bruce loved refurbishing their home and everyone around them thought he was just the perfect husband the perfect father when in reality, if you just walked into their home, you'd probably find a much more disconnected and in some sense, broken family. I think Allison's father's behavior of creating this facade and having to appear picture perfect to other people might've influenced Allison's own "I think" -- if it's not picture perfect or if it's not "real" then why write it?
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